一人暮らしになってしまった親に対して、子供として出来る事
少し離れた郊外で暮らしている両親の事で相談がありました。
「７０代の両親が二人で暮らしていたが、母親が昨年他界し、父親が一人暮らしになってしまいました。
本人は大丈夫と言うものの、きちんと生活出来ているのか心配で、サポートをしたいけど、何をしていいのかわからないから教えてもらいたい。」
といった内容でした。
今回は、父親母親に関わらず、一人暮らしになってしまった両親に対して、「子供として出来る事」を紹介していきたいと思います。
目次
まず始める事 ～間接的なアプローチ～
何をするにも、現状の把握というものは非常に重要です。
車のナビで例えるなら、目的地を設定しても、現在地が分からないと案内のしようがありません。
現状の生活状況を知るために、最低限、知っておくべきことを紹介します。
・生活状況 （仕事や趣味、生活スタイルや動作能力）
・協力者のリスト （子や兄弟、親戚、ご近所の方、知人など）
・とりまく環境 （家の間取り、近隣の病院やスーパー、役所など）
などなど。
事前に知っておくことで、今後の直接的なアプローチを円滑に進めていく事ができます。
具体的に出来る事 ～直接的なアプローチ～
ではここからは、具体的にできることをお伝えします。
※注意すべき事
これらは一度に行う事ではありません。両親のおかれている状況や家族関係にもよりますが、かかわる側からの一方通行では、返ってストレスの原因にもなりえます。焦らずに、ゆっくりと順序良く進めていけるよう、３つの項目に分けて説明していきます。
① 繋がる頻度を増やしましょう。
② 今後の事を話し合いましょう。
③ 協力体制を整えていきましょう。
① 繋がる頻度を増やす
・両親との関係を再構築していきましょう！
大げさに思われるかもしれませんが、「親の心 子知らず」なんてことわざがあるくらいですから、いくら親子といえど、生活感や価値観など、生きてきた時代など、様々な環境の違いで、一緒に暮らしていたころの両親にギャップを感じてしまいます。
まずは昔の思い出や、懐かしい話など、親子の関係性を戻すというよりかは、「再構築する」との想いで、関わっていきましょう。
・長年連れ添った方がなくなっている場合、喪失感は計り知れません。
いくら強がっていても、寂しさや、もしかしたら後悔なんて感情も出てくることもあります。
そんな時に寄り添えるのは、やはり子である私達ではないでしょうか。
しかし、特別な事をする必要はありません。ただ母親の思い出話をすることで、父親は「私にはまだ子供たちがいる」と、生きる気力になっていけるのではないでしょうか。
・直接会えなくても構いません。繋がる事が大切です。
電話やメールはもちろん、このコロナ禍ではテレビ電話の機能が大幅に発達しました。
子や孫の顔を見ながらでも、十分に距離を縮める事ができます。
・会話は何でもかまいません。
「昨日は何を食べたの？」 「最近、どこかに出掛けたの？」
などなど。
何気ない会話の中から、色んな事を話していきましょう。
②今後の事を話し合う
・親子や家族の関係性がないと、これからの話は、なかなかうまくできないかもしれません。
子供としては早く今後の事や両親の希望などを知っておきたいところですが、ここは焦らず、構えずに話していく事が重要です。
・現代の親世代は、大半の方が「子供には迷惑をかけたくない」との強い思いを持っておられます。
しかしその反面、「一緒に暮らせたら…」との相反する感情を兼ね備えておられます。
両親の本音を知ることは非常に難しい事ですが、もしかしたら自分では決められないのかもしれません。
そんな両親の気持ちも含め、今後の事を話していきましょう。
・聞きたいことはたくさんあると思います。できるだけ決めておきたいことは箇条書きにしておきましょう。
例えば、
◆今後一人で生活をしていきたいのか。
◆年金だけで生活をしていけるのか。
◆介護が必要になったらどうしていきたいのか。
などなど。
本人にはプレッシャーのかかる話ですが、詰め寄る言い方ではなく、必ず「本人の希望を聞く」という事を忘れないでください。
ここでも注意点としては、一度に全てを決める必要はありません。
話していく中で、必ず聞けるタイミングがあるはずです。あくまでも会話の中から、本音を聞くという事が大切です。
④ 協力体制を整える
・周りの親族にも協力を求めましょう。
息子と娘だけでなく、長男や次男、長女や次女でも、両親の接し方は全然違うものです。
出来るだけ多くの人達が関わる方が、両親も安心し、関わる側も精神的なゆとりができるものです。
・両親は、子供だけで支えるわけではありません。
親戚や兄弟、できるなら、友人や知人関係まで、連絡先を知っておくだけでも、いざという時には助けてもらえる可能性があります。
・地域には様々な福祉サービスが充実してきております。
これらを知っておくことで、今後医療や介護が必要になってしまった時でも、迅速に対応することができます。
相談は基本無料ですし、ボランティアで見守りサービスなども行っているものもあります。
両親がご自身でも利用が出来るよう、困った時の相談窓口として連絡先などを整備しておきましょう。
ごく一部ですが紹介しておきます。
◆地域包括支援センター
市町村に設置された、高齢者の生活に関する総合的な相談窓口です。
福祉に関する専門家が在籍し、困りごとに対して必要なサービスや制度を紹介してくれます。
◆かかりつけの医院（医療ソーシャルワーカー）
定期的な通院をすることで、Drとの信頼関係や疾患を把握してもらえる、心強い味方です。医療ソーシャルワーカーは入院した時の費用の説明から心理的、精神的な問題解決まで、援助してくれることもあります。
◆民生委員
国が認定した相談員で、主にボランティアで活動され、定期的な訪問による見守りサービスや、災害時による安否確認などを、行ってくれています。
◆役所の【介護保険課】
地域の高齢者に対して行われている体操教室や、食事会などもあります。市（区）役所の【介護保険課】でも様々なサービスを紹介してくれます。
◆民間の相談サービス
介護保険事業所として東住吉介護センターには多数のケアマネージャーが在籍しております。介護保険の代理申請から、各種手続き、事業所の相談など、多岐にわたるサービスの相談が可能ですので、ぜひお気軽にご相談下さい。
まとめ
親子や家族の関係上、なかなか面と向かって両親と向き合うことが難しい方もおられると思います。
しかし、どんな関係であっても親は親。
最後まで子供の幸せを願っているのではないでしょうか。
そう思うと、サポートする事だけが親孝行ではありません。
今、元気で幸せな姿を見せるだけでも、立派な親孝行であり、ご両親の元気の源になっていける私達でありたいですね。
「今後の生活環境が変わる事への不安」や「介護を使って生活をどうデザインをしていったら良いか」など介護は協力体制で成り立っております。 ちょっとでも解決できる、ストレス軽減できる記事を目指し、一つの相談場所のメディアを目指しております。
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Good article. I’m experiencing some of these issues as well..
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